Monday, February 14, 2011

valentines schmalentines

Supposedly, according to people on the Internet, Cleveland's a great place to be single. What they don't tell you is that usually this means you're single forever. Unless you make a decision that you probably regret right now. This, my friends, is why.

Me: Twentysomething guy in hooded zip-up sweatshirt.

You: Twentysomething female, yoga pants before noon on a Sunday, hair up in a bun, eyes down on the floor. Your cart contained only a handful of frozen dinners, cat food, a family-size box of tissues, and a box of Franzia, I think.

All things considered, you probably weren't looking for me, or anyone, for that matter.

Let me know at which Giant Eagle you think I saw you.

To a blonde on Denison...

You're outside your house smoking often. I would drive by and honk but you always flip me the bird. Haven't seen you out lately. Wanted to show you that I had some more class than most guys driving around honking at girls, maybe take you to get some polish kielbasa on Fleet Ave

Female Cop Passenger side. - m4w - 25 (Cleveland 2nd)
Date: 2011-01-15, 12:09AM EST
Reply To This Post

I know you probably don’t check craigslist MC. After being mugged, watching you blow bubbles with your gum was something I probably needed to see. Your partner is right out of the movie Superbad. Maybe you will find an OG like me that will keep it real. I am now McLovin. Thanks for the ride and for letting me smoke in the back. Sorry the evidence smelled like piss, your partner seemed more concerned. If you were my partner I’d chew gum instead of smoking Newport. You have my name and social. The number I gave your partner was my ex-girlfriends. The address you dropped me off at is where I temporally stay. You can tell your partner to let you drive so you can check up on me lol. Gotta love Cleveland huh? If you find the money you will be my hero. Thanks!!!

You talked to my mom when you called DirecTV today - w4m

This is what I know about you,
You have every sports package avail from DirecTV, you were heading to a basketball game tonight (feb 10)
You were going to go to AZ for the day the Diamonbacks reported.
You have flat screens in every room you can including the bathroom.

You turned your basement in to a sports room and you dont allow non sports people there.
Mom told you I love sports and that I celebrate the day pitchers report to Spring Training.

Tell me why did you need to call Directv today? You said you wanted to meet, and I gotta tell ya, Any man who understands the importance of pitchers reporting day, I wanna met to.

All mom can remember is that you lived in Ohio, I hope this works

To the girl with her hair on fire, I was the guy in the clown suit - m4w - 24 (Litchfield)

It was that party over at McAle's barn, you took five shots of black velvet out of some guy's cowboy boot, lit your own hair on fire, and then gave me the hottest lap dance of my life.

Baby, I just wanted you to know, I was thinking about ya'.

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