best of the blotter 31

This is one of the best I've seen in awhile.

THEFT, LORAIN ROAD: A man claiming to be the drummer for the 1980s band Foreigner faces theft charges after police said he skipped out on a $32 bar tab at Buckeye Lanes. Workers at the bowling alley told officers the suspect had pulled the same stunt on several other occasions in the past three weeks. According to reports, the suspect ordered six shots of alcohol, two beers and a plate of fried mushrooms. He then refused to pay his tab when it came time to leave. Police found the man, who claimed to be homeless, walking along Great Northern Boulevard just after midnight.

SUSPICION, CHAGRIN BOULEVARD: On Nov. 9, a Cleveland man, 80, left Ruby Tuesdays without paying his bill and left his briefcase behind. When the staff checked the briefcase, they found a gun inside.

The man was later located and all of his belongings were returned. No arrests were made.

SUSPICIOUS, FAIRMOUNT ROAD: A man came home from work and found two dead turkeys under his tree Nov. 10. He wanted a report on file of the incident.

SPECIAL DETAIL; WALTERS ROAD: A large Christmas tree being moved from a Hickory Hill residence to the downtown Triangle resulted in at least eight mailboxes being knocked down Nov. 18 — two on Hickory Hill and six on Walters, as well as several downed power line.

LAUNDRY, N. COURT: A woman called police after her clothing became stuck in a washer at a N. Court Street location on Nov. 19. Police responded after 5 p.m., but the woman was able to release the clothing before an officer arrived.

no expectations

3 days til the holidays and most of my presents are wrapped except for the massive quantities of coffee that I'll have to obtain at some point to make the relatives happy and not feeling neglected.

A good friend of mine came up Saturday afternoon who I haven't seen since this summer and got to hang out with the Burundi kids who instantly adopted her and by the end of the afternoon they were showing each other dance moves.

We went in search of the tacky Christmas house in Westlake with all the inflatables but they didn't have any up this year so we did some low-stress Christmas shopping at Half-Price Books and drove to the old hometown of Parma to get the best Vietnamese food in the city at Tay-Do and catch up on life.

The holidays came quick this year and I'm not stressed out at all. It's so good to feel that way.

Also, that awful "Wonderful Christmastime" song is evidently unavoidable on every radio station in this city. I don't know why anyone ever thought that song was a good idea but evidently being a member of the Fab Four means you can make complete crap and people think you're a genius. See: anything that John & Yoko did together and Ringo's solo career.

This is why I'm a Stones fan. We've got no such expectations.

Anyway, when I was driving to the Rapid station I heard an even worse rendition of "Wonderful Christmastime," which I never even knew was possible. Evidently Rahsaan Patterson is responsible for this. Seriously, this whole Autotune thing needs to stop.