intuition

there are some people that i instantly get a gut feeling about, for better or worse. usually that intuition is right, especially when it's a bad gut feeling. like the time a friend of mine from high school brought over a neighbor of his and i just didn't trust this guy, got really bad vibes, to find out later on that he shot someone over a heroin deal gone sour and skipped town.

there are other people i just got good feelings about and they've been dead on. these are the people in my life that i met and just knew that we were on the same wavelength to some extent and they're still in my life now, two, six, eight years later.

but then i can be so wrong.

like you know someone for a long time and think you've got a good idea of who they are, what makes them tick. they open up to you, and you maybe share a little bit of yourself to them, but not everything.

and then you realize that you don't know them at all. that you completely misjudged their motivations and character. you wonder how you could be so stupid, but maybe we all change over time and some of us definitely don't change for the better. there's a lot of people i don't hang out with anymore for this reason.

or there's nothing wrong maybe, but you know that they're not telling you about a huge part of their life because they're afraid to, or they know what you'll say or they just don't want you to know. they don't tell you they're gay even though you and everyone else knows and your myspace page says so. they act like they're so sensitive and caring but all they want is your body, or anyone's body for that matter. they pretend that everything's cool even if they're getting wasted or high or are simply on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

it's not like i can't tell, you know? it's not like i don't know what any of that is or i've never seen it before.

maybe i do have issues with trust. there are very few that i trust completely and even then, i'm not always so sure.

we're all so good at hiding everything about us.