social slacker.

things that don't really matter...

there are some people my age that i meet and i just assume they're at least four years older than me because they seem so much more "grown up," relatively speaking. it's not necessarily that they've gotten married, or bought a home, but there's this settled-down thing going on that disorients my somewhat freer-spirited self. and what i also find is that a lot of these people tend to hang out with other similarly grounded younger couples as well.

i remember tagging along with a friend to a party similar to this where everyone was drinking wine and smoking cigars in these big suburban homes where everyone knew who you were and no one would talk to you.

they seemed to have crossed that threshold where they start talking about career goals, networking, office gossip or what they bought at wherever or what was on tv last night or "how about those browns/indians/cavs/the weather/the stock market?

while this would be going on, i would wish i had a car so i could go early, retreat to my paints and my colored pencils and my records.

i can bluff my way through this small talk but i just feel disengaged, like we're just going through the motions. there's a linguistic term for this kind of conversational banter but i can't remember what it is to save my life. it probably maintains some sort of social stability.

me and the roommate met up with a friend of ours at a nearby coffeeshop last night and i was standing there watching all these interactions and how everyone plays up how unique and bohemian they all are. i've known some of these people or their backstories from my days of house shows and parties in tremont where you wouldn't even notice that the sun was coming up because you were having such a great time.

but in a way i'm glad that i've never tried to fit into all of that, even if i probably could pass with my musical tastes and my love of anything that involves creativity. when it comes down to it, it's just another exercise in the same kind of thing, that sense of self-importance and a need for advancement.

i just don't want to deal with all the drama and the talk about who's selling out, everyone's myspace pages and drunk text messages. where the scene points and what you're wearing and what cause you're into and who you're hanging with and what you listen to are what define you rather than who you actually are.

i'm to the point where i really don't care who people are or what they do or what political affiliation they have or what kind of music they like because that just matters less and less. i love it when i see the walls that people apart break down. i'm learning more and more not to make assumptions and to seek out others who don't make those judgments upon me based on where i come from or what i believe.

so yeah, i don't know what the point of all that is... but whatever.