Friday, May 27, 2011

like a bird that sings up the sun....

There's a word in Sanskrit quoted by Eliot at the end of 'The Wasteland' like a benediction. 'Shantih' is roughly translated as 'the peace that passes understanding.' My emotions have been all over the place today, frustration and anger, helpless resignation, slap-happy laughter (deemed verboten by the overlords, but breaks forth nonetheless), thankful for the grace of God, the blessings of caffeine and art and friendship. I've been through way more than this in the past year, and I'll go through way more again.

I can go home to the sanctuary of my second floor, I can pull the weeds growing among my flowers, pound and sculpt and cut clay, drink tea and write, scrawl out prayers and fragments of psalms on canvas in sharpie marker, visit my new nephew and feel my heart melt over and over. A little stress and catharsis every once in awhile makes me a better person, gives me the spark. Maybe someday I will create beauty such as this.

Unlike the bestselling writers and TV preachers, I don't expect that faith will bring a person a life of material wealth or bliss. I don't deserve a thing, and yet I have more in the intangible than could be explained. I can't control what others say or do, I don't see the need to apologize for things that I haven't done wrong, and to paraphrase a song from an old band I love "I'm working, but I'm not working for you."

Who needs to jockey for position when there's so much else to live for? I hope that when I am old, I won't be jealous of the young, I won't be meddling in what's none of my business, I won't be grabbing all I can while the getting's good.

And there is celebrating a friend's wedding this weekend, getting my rust belt kicks with 'Michael Stanley Superstar', and being away from this opera if not forevermore, for a little while.


Randal Graves said...

You know, I'm trying to continue fanning the flames of youthful peonage rage, and you're ruining it with all this introspection and perspective and arty crap. You suck.*

*Randalese for you rock like Darkthrone, but you already know that.

P.S. there's a link that's text only, unless this is a surrealist piece, then kudos.

thatgirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
thatgirl said...

eh, I don't see it as looking on the sunny side so much as trying to get some sense of perspective.

That hour at the desk was surreal enough for today. Though all this drama seems to have stirred up the creative juices again, which is not a bad thing.

Randal Graves said...

Sunny side? I'd call that a radical interpretation of my text, and this is when I'd toss in a casual, wholly predictable Cthulhu reference, but I'm not sure even it would devour The Yokelry.

Anonymous said...

ha, i used to skate with a kid who had a sticker on his board that said powered by hate and was he ever (had a rotating crop of kids on my couch who had new stepdads and so no welcome place to stay) but it was a thing of beauty in its own seen on cops tv kind of way, fuel for the forge and all