Wednesday, July 7, 2010

lay my burden down...

Right now life is feeling like a trainwreck and I'm wondering what else will go wrong, considering that the week hasn't even finished yet and already I'm facing some seriously frayed relationships, somewhat serious and frustrating legal troubles (more on that another time), and all the stress has just gotten to me so badly and I've been a strung out wreck of tangled emotions.

All the things I love most being messed with and it's hard as anything, to see dreams constantly deferred to the point that I wonder if anything will change, to find myself trying to get through things I don't understand and never thought I'd deal with, to make sense of the messed-upness of everything, the way that we hurt each other, the way that power is abused, the nastiness of racism and the corruption that is rotting away the city, the way that the world functions regardless of what I do in the face of it.

There were some flashes of hope, with a random phone call from a good friend today who's been through all this and more, a late night pancake session at IHOP with two of my favorite people, and roomie being back home and her awesome self listening to me panic and showing me how she got through.

I keep on living and trying to learn to love and survive even as I just want to give up and check out, even as I know that God carries me even at my most broken and lost.

1 comment:

Randal Graves said...

On second thought, break out the AK-47.