Thursday, April 14, 2011

best of the blotter: Lizard Kings and other things.

I really hope this guy has a Jim Morrison blacklight poster on his wall.

ODOR, WHITNEY ROAD: Police were advised of a marijuana smell on the first floor of an apartment building at 10:04 a.m. April 1.

Officers contacted the resident in question, who stated that he has six pet lizards, and was burning incense to cover the smell up.

Witnesses reported an older woman walking on Pearl Road near Pizza Hut April 12, whipping around a belt and yelling at cars. Police found the woman was carrying a "Vote for Issue 31" sign as well as a belt.

She was advised the issue had already gone up for a vote, but she said she wanted to carry the sign anyway. A report said she was going to visit her parents, who live in Strongsville. Police told her not to yell at cars.

A Gate Post Drive man didn't take it lying down when a telemarketer got snarky with him. He reported to police April 8 that a woman called and asked if he had smoke detectors. When he asked why, she hurled an obscenity and hung up.

The resident asked police to track down the offender. Police said they would speak with her company.

LOUD MUSIC, MAYFIELD ROAD: At 8:55 p.m. April 5, an officer was investigating a report of a stolen purse from a parked car when he heard loud music coming from a car at the Speedway gas station. The car’s window was up and the officer tapped on the window. The driver, a man, 18, gave police his driver’s license and proceeded to fill his tank with gas, while shaking his head at the impending citation.

When he was finished pumping his gas, the man told the officer that he thought the music had to be considered loud from a distance of 500 feet away. He then asked for the officer’s badge number.

Finally, the man said he wanted to explain something to the officer. He said, “My parents are the highest paying taxpayers in this city,” and expressed his disbelief that he was being treated this way. The officer told the man that he, too, is a taxpayer and gave the man a ticket.

ANIMAL AT LARGE, AVON BELDEN ROAD: Police received a complaint on April 4 from a resident that a chicken was loose on the front yard. Upon arrival, a police officer escorted the chicken back to its own residence at the Hatchery Antique Mall. Due to this being an ongoing problem, an informational report was recorded.

BIRD WELFARE CHECK, GATES MILLS BOULEVARD: Police were called at 10:30 a.m. April 3 to check on the condition of two geese in the roadway. The caller stated that one of the geese was alive and the other appeared to be dead.

It was learned that the geese were, in fact, plastic replicas.

1 comment:

Randal Graves said...

Usurping telemarketers! I'm taking this up with the Social Network Association of Regional Kooks.

Pizza Hut lady needs to find her soul in the kitchen.

Fifty bucks says Son of Taxpayer ends up a politician or administrator.

And that last one is just funny.