Wednesday, August 17, 2011

what to say

Serendipitously catching the bus home that drops me off at the end of my street in the almost-hood, enjoying the ride instead of running to catch one and then the other. I'm trying to drive less, walk and bike more, but being female and living in the city complicates that as the days get shorter and the sun goes down sooner.

The stars and clouds over my corner of the world on the balcony, the streetlights and the aural texture of cricket chirps and circling airplanes. So many strands of reverberating conversations, or synapses connecting and crossed signals and dead air of not knowing what to say, and of holding back because so often I've said too much in the past, so many relationships ended in an entropic mutual destruction and when I think of all the tangled mess of lives intermingled, of past history and diametrical opposition, I've given up all hope for us and cling to strands of faith, shards of understood truths made so hard to by the infinite factors, hoping for something greater than me to reverberate for the world, because it's all so beyond anything I can get my head around.


Anonymous said...

when we are our younger our needs for love recognition and expression can dwarf the relationships that we try to meet them in but it sounds like you are making a wider and deeper life for yourself so things will be more in proportion, luckily for you you have a place/person to talk with for whom even big human needs are relatively small.

Randal Graves said...

Entropic Mutual Destruction, a crusty hardcore metalized punkifier, needs to open for Storm of the Yeti, 90-second monster blasts a beautifully offset to 15-minute subterranean cosmic jams.

Word verification: tronsub, I didn't know Tron had subs, unless it's a sandwich, even the CGI-ed need to eat.

And that's how one says much whilst saying nothing. Practice, grasshopper.

Mary Ellen/Nunly said...

With each relationship, broken or otherwise, brings wisdom. Enjoy the journey and don't look back because you just might miss what's right in front of you.

Take it from an old's short, enjoy the ride.