Thursday, August 4, 2011

I've got nothing hey but I'm a star


"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."


In his chapter in 'The Four Loves," C.S. Lewis describes platonic friendship as a beautiful thing that is often derided and in some cases feared. When people discover common ground of one kind or another, it inevitably generates suspicion among one's overlords, especially when they do not recognize it for what it is.

"Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important.
... In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, "Here comes one who will augment our loves." For in this love "to divide is not to take away."
— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)


As I'm now older and a cog in the machine, conforming to dress codes albeit relaxed ones and on my own terms and a semi-regular schedule, I thought that my days of being against The Proverbial Man were behind me, but it seems that acting like a normal human being, in the sense of consuming caffeine and having the pleasure of working with likeminded souls with whom compact discs and lengthy tomes are traded with regularity, is somehow threatening to the order of things, and I'm not even in the corporate world.

"For us of course the shared activity and therefore the companionship on which Friendship supervenes will not often be a bodily one like hunting or fighting. It may be a common religion, common studies, a common profession, even a common recreation. All who share it will be our companions; but one or two or three who share something more will be our Friends. In this kind of love, as Emerson said, Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth? - Or at least, "Do you care about the same truth?" The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance can be our Friend. He need not agree with us about the answer."

There's something wrong with people who obsess over money and networking and whose only interest outside of that is the minutiae of micromanagement, the toxic gossip of small minds, all done in a socially acceptable way. What's wrong with them? They don't buy into this. Someday when they're older and wiser like us they'll understand..."

It is supremely ironic that in a place dedicated to reading and study and the pursuit of knowledge, that the Powers That Be are often suspicious of these very things and the friendships forged along these lines, of people who read books that are neither pulp mysteries or primers on how to be rich, who listen to incomprehensible music, and follow news that has more to do with Central Asia and the Middle East than what so and so and whatserface is up to. The irony is astounding.

But hey, I've been here four years, others have been here longer, we still get along, and what better way to celebrate the absurdity of life but with some ephemeral Daria?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

"a place dedicated to reading and study and the pursuit of knowledge" hmm I'm guessing they figure that if they keep such mottoes in latin than it won't be considered a contractual obligation.

Randal Graves said...

I came here for the bunga-bunga, and all I get is a lousy treatise on friendship? I don't think we can remain friends. Ow! My face!

Word verification: goism, what the Powers That Be subscribe to in spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts.

thatgirl said...

dmf,
Strangely enough, we have no mottoes in Latin. It is a dead cracker language after all.

Randal,
Sorry, dastardly rake! We're doomed anyway, but can I have the option of being a virginal sacrifice to Odin instead of decapitation by the Sword of Austerity?

word verification: 'devent,' getting all the venting out or shorthand for a devious event, both being somewhat appropriate.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The Proverbial Mann
~

susan said...

If I had some friends I'd send them over to meet you.

Anonymous said...

http://www.upperplayground.com/blogs/the-collaborative-murals-of-ericailcane

Mary Ellen said...

Great post, and I LOVE C.S. Lewis...not in the "Eros" kind of way, though. The Pope wouldn't like that. ;-)

It's always easy to spot a true friend...when you "go missing" for long periods due to crazy life issues, they're still there when you get back to pick up the conversations as if you never left. I haven't had a chance to call or go out with my best friend for months but sure enough, when we do get in touch, it will be as if a day has not gone by.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcSQ5nae6y0

thatgirl said...

Nunly,
I've got a few friends like that, and it's a beautiful thing, like those gaps in time never mattered.