Monday, March 8, 2010

Open Letter #5 : Dear Cleveland Part 2

Dear Cleveland,

The last time we talked, you reminded me of a lousy significant other, now you seem like a whiny teenager.

So the cool kids are dissing you again. They said you're lame and miserable. Are you surprised?

That + sign at the end of your name was corny to begin with because everyone knows that we don't have it all together.

And that's ok. Nobody does.

See, rebranding only takes you so far. It's like transferring to a new high school with a totally new wardrobe and identity as the prom queen or the hipster but then you run into someone from the past who remembers when you had a stupid haircut, played Magic and Yugi-Oh!, and listened to nothing but Korn and has the photos to prove it.

I just don't know if talking about how awesome you are on the Internet is going to do all that much good. It's like being one of those middle schoolers in Sticksville posting pictures of themselves on Myspace with their sweet new haircuts or whatever. You still have nothing to do on Friday night, not that many friends, and you're just calling attention to that fact. Making fun of Detroit only signifies how low on the pecking order you really are.

See, you just need to find your group of people that don't care about being in the top 10 or the popular crowd. You're not New York City, Los Angeles, Portland, or Vegas. You're not going to be one of the beautiful people so why even try? They've got their own thing going on and so do you. Do you really need a casino or a snobby music scene?

You've got a lot of great qualities that you ignore because you don't want to be who you are. You've got a great sense of humor, an unpretentious vibe, and great taste in art and music without being totally pretentious. You can cook anything. You can watch sports without being obnoxious. You're not the most glamorous or fashionable but you've got your own style and it's fun and the people that are going to be drawn to you are the people you'd rather hang out with anyway.

And that's just my two cents, my little motivational pep talk for you. Screw the facelifts on your downtown, go to some museums, dig into your local history, write a damn novel, support your friends' artistic endeavors, hang out with your awesome neighbors, chow down on those pierogis and thank me later.


that girl.


Randal Graves said...

To be fair, I think the empty former Morse Graphic with the lack o' glass on the windows could use a nip and/or tuck.

Watch sports without being obnoxious? Oh, I think woe-is-meeing can be real obnoxious. I got a PhD, so I know what I'm talking about.

More of this snark though, please.+

Bridget Callahan said...