This is going to be me someday
Shopkeeper fights off knife-wielding raiders with cup of tea
Varsha Patel, 45, was about to take her first sip of the drink when two men wearing balaclavas burst in to her village store armed with 10-inch blades and made a grab for the till.
Reacting swiftly, she hurled the steaming tea into the face of one assailant and then threw the empty mug at his companion's head.
As she stepped back to grab a bottle of whisky to hurl at them, the two shocked thieves fled the shop with just a scratch card dispenser.
Other gems from the Telegraph, which for you Cleveland people is like the 19 Action Newspaper of the UK...
Primary school teacher tells class that Father Christmas isn't real
A grandmother was sent a machine gun intended for a police station through the post after an address mix-up.